Lost a Child: Guidance for Bereaved Parents
There are no words that can ease the pain of losing a child. No parent should have to face this. If you are reading this, we are deeply sorry for your loss.
This guide is here to help with the practical matters that still need attention, even when everything feels impossible. Take it slowly. Ask for help. There is no timeline for grief, and there is no right way to get through this. Do only what you can, when you can.
If you are in crisis or having thoughts of self-harm, please reach out now. Call or text 988 (Suicide and Crisis Lifeline), available 24/7. You can also text HOME to 741741 (Crisis Text Line).
Immediate Steps
Take your time
You do not have to make any decisions immediately. If your child died at a hospital, you can stay with them for as long as you need. Most hospitals have compassionate policies for bereaved parents and will not rush you. If the death occurred at home, the funeral home will come when you are ready.
Medical examiner involvement
When a child dies, the medical examiner or coroner will typically be involved to determine the cause of death. This is standard procedure and does not imply wrongdoing. An autopsy may be required by law depending on the circumstances. The results can take weeks or months. You can request a copy of the autopsy report once it is complete.
Contact a funeral home
When you are ready, contact a funeral home to discuss arrangements. Many funeral homes offer reduced rates or special services for children. Ask about their policies. You are not obligated to use the first funeral home you contact; compare options and prices if you are able.
Notify your employer
Under the Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA), you are not explicitly entitled to bereavement leave, but many employers provide it as a benefit. Some companies offer 3 to 5 days of bereavement leave; others offer more for the loss of a child. Ask about leave policies, short-term disability, or Employee Assistance Programs (EAP) that may include free counseling sessions.
If you have other children
Surviving siblings need age-appropriate honesty and reassurance. Young children may need concrete explanations. Teenagers may withdraw or act out. All children need to know that the death was not their fault and that it is okay to feel whatever they are feeling. The Dougy Center (dougy.org) offers free resources specifically for grieving children and teens.
Financial Considerations
Funeral and burial costs
Children's funerals cost less than adult funerals, but they are still significant. A children's casket costs $500 to $2,000. Total costs for a funeral with burial range from $3,000 to $8,000. Direct cremation costs $1,000 to $2,500. Many funeral homes offer discounts or pro bono services for children. Always ask.
Life insurance
If you had a life insurance policy on your child (some employer benefits include small policies for dependents), contact the insurance company to file a claim. Employer group life insurance typically covers dependents for $5,000 to $10,000.
Crowdfunding
GoFundMe and similar platforms are commonly used to help families cover funeral costs for a child. A friend or family member can set up the campaign on your behalf so you do not have to manage it yourself. Crowdfunding campaigns for children's funerals typically receive strong community support.
Charitable assistance
Several organizations help families with funeral costs: Children's Burial Assistance (cfrankdavis.org) provides financial help for families who cannot afford burial expenses. The Red Nose Relief Fund offers support for families after the sudden death of an infant or child. Your state may also have assistance programs; contact your county social services office.
Tax Implications
Dependent status
You can claim your child as a dependent on your tax return for the year they died, provided they lived with you for more than half the year before the death. A child who was born and died in the same year can also be claimed as a dependent.
Child Tax Credit
You may be eligible for the Child Tax Credit for the year of your child's death, even if the death occurred early in the year. The credit is up to $2,000 per qualifying child. If you received advance Child Tax Credit payments, you generally will not have to repay them for a child who died during the year.
Social Security
If your child was working and paying Social Security taxes, surviving parents may be eligible for survivors benefits. This is uncommon for young children but may apply for older teens and young adults. The lump sum $255 death benefit may also be available if the child had enough work credits.
Medical expense deductions
If your child incurred medical expenses before death, you may be able to deduct those expenses on your tax return (to the extent they exceed 7.5% of your adjusted gross income). Funeral expenses are not deductible on personal income tax returns.
Support Organizations for Bereaved Parents
You do not have to go through this alone. These organizations exist specifically to support parents who have lost a child:
The Compassionate Friends
The largest peer support network for bereaved families in the country, with over 600 chapters nationwide. They offer local support group meetings, online forums, a national helpline (877-969-0010), and an annual national conference. Visit compassionatefriends.org.
Bereaved Parents of the USA
A national nonprofit with chapters across the country, offering in-person meetings, online support, and resources for parents, grandparents, and siblings. Visit bereavedparentsusa.org.
MISS Foundation
Provides counseling, advocacy, and support for families who have experienced the death of a child. They offer a 24/7 crisis line, free counseling referrals, and community programs. Visit missfoundation.org.
SHARE Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support
Specifically for families who have experienced miscarriage, stillbirth, or newborn death. They offer support groups, online communities, and educational resources. Visit nationalshare.org.
SIDS and Infant Loss
The sudden, unexplained death of an infant is one of the most devastating experiences a parent can endure. If your baby died of SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome) or another sudden cause, the following information may help:
The investigation
When an infant dies suddenly, law enforcement and the medical examiner will investigate. This is required by law in most states and is not an accusation. The investigation helps determine the cause of death and can take weeks or months. An autopsy is typically mandatory. You will receive a copy of the findings.
It is not your fault
SIDS, by definition, has no known cause. Research has shown that SIDS is not caused by anything the parent did or failed to do. Guilt is a natural response, but it is important to hear this clearly: you did not cause this.
Resources for infant loss
First Candle (firstcandle.org, 1-800-221-7437) provides support and education around SIDS and infant loss. Star Legacy Foundation (starlegacyfoundation.org) focuses on stillbirth and infant death research and support. October 15 is recognized as National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.
Grief After Losing a Child
The grief of losing a child is unlike any other. It does not follow a predictable path, and it does not have a neat resolution. Many bereaved parents describe it as a lifelong journey that changes over time but never fully ends. That is normal.
Your relationship with your partner
The death of a child puts enormous strain on a couple's relationship. Partners often grieve differently, which can create misunderstanding and conflict. One partner may want to talk; the other may withdraw. Neither approach is wrong. Couples counseling with a grief specialist can help you grieve together rather than apart. The often-cited statistic that most marriages end after a child's death is not supported by research, so do not assume it will happen to you.
Returning to work
There is no right time to go back. Some parents return after a few weeks; others need months. If your employer offers an EAP, use it. Consider a gradual return (part-time or modified duties) if possible. Be prepared for well-meaning colleagues who do not know what to say. Some will avoid you; others will say things that feel hurtful even though they mean well.
Professional help
Grief counseling with a therapist who specializes in child loss can be profoundly helpful. Look for therapists who specialize in bereavement, perinatal loss, or trauma, depending on the circumstances. Psychology Today's therapist finder (psychologytoday.com) lets you filter by specialization and insurance.
Remembering your child
Many parents find meaning in honoring their child's memory: planting a memorial garden, establishing a scholarship, supporting a cause related to how their child died, creating a memory book, or simply keeping their child's presence alive through conversation and tradition. Your child mattered, and finding ways to honor that is part of healing.
Frequently Asked Questions
Am I entitled to bereavement leave?
There is no federal law requiring bereavement leave. However, many employers offer it as a benefit (typically 3 to 5 days, sometimes more for a child). Some states, including Oregon, Illinois, Maryland, and California, have enacted bereavement leave laws. Check with your HR department.
Can I cancel my child's student loans?
Federal student loans are discharged upon the borrower's death. Parent PLUS loans are also discharged if the student dies. Submit a death certificate to the loan servicer. Private student loans depend on the lender's policies and whether there is a co-signer.
How do I tell my other children?
Be honest in age-appropriate ways. Use clear language rather than euphemisms (say "died" rather than "went away"). Let them ask questions and answer truthfully. Reassure them that the death was not their fault and that they are safe. The Dougy Center (dougy.org) and the National Alliance for Grieving Children (childrengrieve.org) offer specific guidance.
What if my child's death was caused by someone else?
If your child's death was caused by another person's negligence or criminal act, you may be entitled to a wrongful death civil lawsuit. Consult a wrongful death attorney; most work on contingency (no fee unless you win). Criminal charges are handled by the prosecutor's office. You may also be eligible for crime victims' compensation through your state's victim assistance program.