Lost a Spouse: What to Do When Your Husband or Wife Dies
Losing a spouse is one of the most devastating experiences in life. On top of profound grief, you face urgent financial, legal, and practical decisions. This guide walks you through everything, from the immediate hours after the death through the months of rebuilding, so you can handle what needs to be done without feeling overwhelmed.
Immediate Steps (First 24-48 Hours)
If the death occurs at home
Call 911 if the death was unexpected. If the death was expected (hospice care), call the hospice nurse, who will pronounce the death and handle paperwork. Do not call 911 for an expected hospice death, as this may trigger an unwanted emergency response.
Contact a funeral home
A funeral home will arrange transport of the body. If you do not have a pre-selected funeral home, the hospital or hospice can provide a list. You do not need to make any decisions about services immediately; just arrange transport.
Notify close family and friends
You do not have to do this yourself. Ask a close friend or family member to help spread the word. Focus on the people who need to know immediately; broader notifications can wait.
Secure the home
Unfortunately, burglaries sometimes occur during funerals when obituaries announce that family members will be away. Ask a trusted neighbor or friend to watch the home during the service, or consider delaying the publication of the home address in the obituary.
Order death certificates
Request 10 to 15 certified copies through the funeral home. You will need them for insurance claims, bank accounts, property transfers, Social Security, and the DMV. Each copy costs $5 to $25 depending on your state. It is easier and cheaper to order them now than to request more later.
Financial Changes to Expect
The death of a spouse creates significant financial disruption. Here is what typically changes:
Income
Your household income may drop substantially. Social Security survivors benefits help, but they do not fully replace a spouse's income. Review your budget immediately to understand your new financial picture. If your spouse had life insurance, the payout provides a financial bridge, but be cautious about making major financial decisions in the first year.
Bank accounts
Joint accounts remain accessible to you. Individual accounts in your spouse's name alone will be frozen once the bank is notified of the death. You will need a death certificate and letters of administration or letters testamentary (from probate court) to access those funds. Do not close joint accounts immediately; you need them for ongoing bills.
Credit cards
You can continue using joint credit cards. Cards in your spouse's name alone will be closed. If you are an authorized user on your spouse's card, the card will be closed, and you should apply for your own card to maintain your credit history. Do not charge expenses to a deceased person's individual account.
Mortgage and housing
If you jointly owned the home, it passes to you automatically in most states (joint tenancy with right of survivorship). The mortgage continues; you are still responsible for payments. The Garn-St. Germain Act prevents lenders from calling the loan due upon your spouse's death. Contact your lender to remove your spouse's name from the loan. Do not rush into selling the house; give yourself time.
Social Security Survivors Benefits
As a surviving spouse, you may be entitled to several Social Security benefits. Apply as soon as possible, since benefits are generally not retroactive beyond six months.
- Monthly survivors benefits: 100% of your spouse's benefit at your full retirement age, or reduced amounts starting at age 60 (50 if disabled). If you are caring for your spouse's child under 16, you can collect at any age.
- Lump sum death payment: A one-time $255 payment if you were living with your spouse. Apply within two years.
- Children's benefits: Each child under 18 (or under 19 if in high school) receives 75% of the deceased's benefit.
Call Social Security at 1-800-772-1213 to apply. You cannot apply online. See our complete Social Security survivors benefits guide for detailed information.
Health Insurance: COBRA and Alternatives
If you were covered through your spouse's employer, you need to arrange new coverage. You have several options:
COBRA (36 months)
Continue your spouse's employer plan for up to 36 months. You pay the full premium (typically $700 - $2,200/month) plus a 2% admin fee. See our COBRA guide for details.
ACA Marketplace
The death triggers a 60-day Special Enrollment Period. Marketplace plans may be cheaper than COBRA, especially with premium subsidies. Compare at healthcare.gov.
Medicare (age 65+)
If you are 65 or older and were on your spouse's employer plan, you have an 8-month Special Enrollment Period for Medicare Part B.
Filing Taxes as a Surviving Spouse
Tax rules for surviving spouses provide important benefits in the years following the death:
Year of death: File jointly
For the year your spouse died, you can file a joint return covering the full year. This typically results in the lowest tax bill. You report all of your income and your spouse's income through the date of death. The executor or personal representative must co-sign the return, or you can sign on behalf of the deceased if you are the executor.
Years 2 and 3: Qualifying Surviving Spouse
If you have a dependent child, you can file as Qualifying Surviving Spouse (formerly Qualifying Widow/Widower) for two years after the year of death. This gives you the same standard deduction and tax brackets as married filing jointly. You must have paid more than half the cost of maintaining your home.
After that: Single or Head of Household
Starting in the fourth year, you file as Single, or as Head of Household if you have a qualifying dependent. The shift from married filing jointly to single can result in a noticeable tax increase, sometimes called the "widow's tax penalty."
Legal Considerations: Probate and Property
How your spouse's assets are transferred depends on how they were titled and whether there is a will:
Assets that bypass probate
Many assets pass directly to you without probate: jointly held property with right of survivorship, bank accounts with payable-on-death designations, retirement accounts and life insurance with named beneficiaries, and assets in a living trust.
Assets that go through probate
Assets in your spouse's name alone (without a beneficiary designation or joint ownership) must go through probate. This includes individually titled real estate, vehicles, bank accounts, and personal property. See our probate guide for state-specific information.
Updating documents and accounts
Over the coming weeks and months, you will need to update the title on your home, vehicles, and other property; change beneficiaries on your own accounts; update your own will and estate plan; and notify utility companies, insurance providers, and subscription services. Use our personalized checklist tool to get a customized list of everything you need to do.
Grief and Rebuilding Your Life
There is no right way to grieve, and there is no timeline for healing. Here are some things that many surviving spouses find helpful:
Avoid major decisions for one year
Financial advisors consistently recommend avoiding major decisions (selling the house, moving, making large investments, entering new relationships) for at least one year after a spouse's death. Grief affects judgment. Give yourself time.
Seek support
Individual grief counseling, support groups for widows and widowers, and peer-to-peer support can all help. Organizations like the Modern Widows Club, GriefShare, and Soaring Spirits International offer programs specifically for surviving spouses. If you are in crisis, call the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline (call or text 988).
Accept help
When people offer to help, say yes. Be specific about what you need: meals, errands, childcare, help with paperwork, or simply company. People want to help but often do not know how unless you tell them.
Frequently Asked Questions
Do I need a lawyer when my spouse dies?
Not always, but a probate attorney is helpful if your spouse had significant assets, owned property in multiple states, had a complex estate plan, or died without a will. Many attorneys offer a free initial consultation. For simple estates, you may be able to handle probate yourself.
Am I responsible for my spouse's debts?
Generally, only the estate is responsible for debts in your spouse's name alone. However, you may be liable for joint debts, debts you co-signed, and debts incurred during the marriage in community property states. See our debt after death guide for details.
How long does probate take?
Probate typically takes 6 to 12 months for straightforward estates. Complex estates, contested wills, or estates with real property in multiple states can take 1 to 3 years. Many states offer simplified probate for small estates under a certain value (often $50,000 to $100,000).
When should I update my own will?
Update your will within the first few months after the death. Your existing will likely names your spouse as executor and primary beneficiary. You need to designate new beneficiaries, a new executor, and (if you have children) a guardian. Also update beneficiary designations on life insurance, retirement accounts, and bank accounts.